I love you too.
But there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.
Something that’s been eating away at me for years now… I’m cheating on you.
With illustrations and photographs.
I know. I know you’re angry. Calm down. Please.
Hey! I’m not a tramp! TAKE THAT BACK!
Look, you need to know they mean nothing to me. Sort of. Look, I’m torn between you all. You’re wonderful most of the time. But occasionally you don’t satisfy me, and you leave me with no choice but to cheat.
I know that sounds bad. I’m just really confused right now and need some space.
I’ll call you.